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Let’s Address the Elephant in the Country: Trauma

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure no one listens.”. — Judith Lewis Herman.

As a clinical social worker, my focus has been psychotherapy. I’ve worked with veterans who deal with PTSD every day. I’ve worked with veterans over their heads and drowning in various drug addictions. …


I’ve thought about Vanessa Guillen’s death so often. Usually, I think about her at night, when the house is quiet and it’s just my thoughts and me.

Private First Class Guillen had wanted to serve in the military since the age of ten. It’s easy to picture her as a little girl, dreaming of the pride she would one day feel when wearing her military uniform. The confidence she felt when she was last promoted. I wonder if she planned to do the work for her next promotion to Sergeant. …

It is very difficult to understand complex problems when you live in survival mode. Imagine this… you see a car coming at you, and you know there is nothing you can do, and now I am asking you to find the square root of 9. Huh?

This is the same thing we do to many children every day. We ignore how trauma in the home plays a role in a child’s ability to learn.

I know this personally. As a child, I struggled to understand anything with too many directions. I hated arithmetic, really, the only thing I enjoyed was…

Own your shit Step 1:

Surviving vs. Thriving

How shoulding everywhere is destroying your life.

So what do I mean by shoulding?

Shoulding is when we are so much in our heads, we begin to believe we should be doing this certain thing, or we should physically look a certain way, we should have what this other person has, I should have done something different, or we should be at this certain point in our life. We also should all over other people around us. …

Introducing myself with all the words that define who I am: I am a mother of three, an Army veteran, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and someone who is constantly working to understand myself and others.

I draw from many different modalities in my work and writing. I also want to be real and authentic in my writing. Which means sometimes, I will use language that some people will have feelings about, including some profanity. If you feel this is not the language for you, then this blog may not work for you.

At the end of the day this…

I’m struggling with our current societal definition of what innocence is. When I googled it:

So innocence is freedom from guilt, a lack of corruption or purity, and it’s used as a euphemism for a person’s virginity.

What does the first and second definition have to do with sex? Is it just me or do we really link innocence with sex in our current definition? What is that?

For a significant period of man’s history, man has told the story of the loss of innocence. Human beings seem to have a clear obsession with the concept of innocence. We want to see and feel this innocence in ourselves and others. Often people look at innocence…



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